Her Favorite Hue
by Darache
Summary: Sometimes Black and White don't always mix smoothly into Gray. Sometimes they just can't change. Oneshot.


_Hello all! I'm back again with more Harry Potter spazz. Yeah, I know my stuff's pretty crazy, but I can't seem to write anything else. Anyway, sorry for those who were waiting for it, but this doesn't have the slightest to do with my Charlie story still in the works. I'm having to rethink some things since HBP came out, so it'll be a while. Anyway, on with the show. Oh yeah, this isn't beta-ed since I haven't had a beta in nearly a year.  
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_**Disclaimer: Not mine. I just play with them. They are JK Rowling's.**_

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Title: Her Favorite Hue  
Author: Darache, Kim B.  
Posted: August 6th, 2005; 11:02pm **_

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"_You're always doing this. I wonder why I stay."_

"_But you always do, so does it really matter?"_

She's just a girl, though never really a child, and he's just a boy, though never truly young. She has hair not quite the color of silver, and it hangs to her hips in waves not quite curly. Her eyes are blacker than winter midnights, but they aren't as cold. His eyes are grey, like thick night fog, and they're just as empty as it, too, but his hair is as black as her coal eyes, and it echoes his most noble and ancient and pure name that he both loves and hates so often. They are opposing forces in every way, but still they can't let go.

And she can't help but hate him sometimes, too, because he never tells her what he really means to say, and he always brings her down. He's pure, and it leaves her feeling tainted. He hates himself sometimes, too, because he can't say what he means and can't live the way he wants, and because he's obligated to a name he wishes he didn't have. He envies her, that she isn't bound to a name that asks too much all too often, that she doesn't have to be careful who she happens to fancy, or even worry that her family would care. He wishes he was like her, free and clear and _happy _because it would mean the world to both of them, and he hates to drag her down. Hates that she's so tainted.

But she can't help but love him sometimes, too, because his smile gives her courage and his eyes are so beautifully lonely, and he tells her things no one's ever bothered to before. He says she's lucky, brilliant, and perfect, a vision for his tired soul, but not in so many words. She can't help but hold him because it's the only thing she can do, but she wonders how he can be pure when he's so dirty. But he still hates himself sometimes because he can't be everything she needs, and he knows he should let her go because, frankly, she can do so much better. He can't, though, and he won't because she's the only thing his parents haven't forced upon him, and she's his salvation without even knowing it, and she's so much like his brother that he misses oh so greatly. She's the hope that some day things will be better, and his family won't hate people they don't see as pure (or pure-_thoughted_), that he won't have to hide behind such prejudicial images. He hates that he can't tell her.

The girl who isn't really and the boy who isn't nearly live this way, playing games their parents taught them, wishing for it all to end, for one to checkmate, but they can't bear it. So, they dance around the playing board, hoping for an end, Black and White mixing into Gray. And they can't change their lives because they're too afraid.

And she thinks that maybe, when they're grown and older, they'll get married. They'll live together then, and have the life they always dreamed of having, free of family and their games, that she won't have to hold on quite so tightly then. She knows that's what he wants, even if he never says it, and she sees that's what he needs, even if he doesn't see it. Of course, he dreams about it, too, coming home to her until he's dead and old, but he knows that it won't happen because he loves her so, and he knows that love won't give him freedom, and it won't solve his problems, it won't make her pure, and it won't make his family ever change at all. Only strength of will can do that, but he doesn't bother because he doesn't have the courage (he isn't Gryffindor, you know), and he watches as she crumbles a little more each time.

He can't let her go, though, not now or ever. He can't because she _won't_, or _doesn't_, or _couldn't_, or _shouldn't_, and he wonders what might happen if she ever does.

He wonders, too, if maybe he were a little more like his brother if things would change. Maybe then he could tell her, maybe then he could leave, maybe _then _being Black wouldn't matter quite so much. Of course, he'll never know what it would be like because he knows he'll never stand up straight, or live, like that. He knows he'll choose the Darker side because it's already chosen him (He is a Black, you see), and it's easier to be led on than resist. He never was a leader.

He wonders what she'll choose, when the choice is given. He figures she'll choose the Lighter side because she always has. Well, in everything but him, but he's all she's never had. And he wonders what will happen when she's says she isn't buying; he reckons that they'll kill her, but he doubts that she'll be dying (she's Ravenclaw, you know, and far too smart for that). He figures she'll meet his brother (his double, only in Gryffindor Red and Gold) when she chooses the _Right _side, and he thinks she'll let him go then because she'll finally have it right, and he reckons it'll be ok then. She'll go her way, the Black Sheep by her side where he used to be, and he'll go his alone, and they'll both be better for it, since it's really all the same. Of course, they'll meet again, Black and White always do, and maybe she'll kill him in battle (she was always the better dueler) or maybe she'll hesitate and he'll kill her and be through. Or maybe they'll never meet again regardless; it's all the same to him, but right now he just can't let it end. This game is only half-way through.

But still he hates himself sometimes because he just can't seem to change, and she hates him and loves him for it, too.

Green and Silver were always her favorite hue.

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_Well, there it is. Hope you all liked it! In case you didn't figure it out, the guy's Regulus Black and the girl's just a random Ravenclaw. Yes, she has a name, but I'm not telling at the moment. I might actually write the story that I've been brainstorming dealing with this, but we'll see. It'll likely be after the seventh book is released if I do. _

_ Anyway, read and review. You know you want to.  
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